too many things
end up with nothing
to feel left out
and not part of any team

well done

God please grant me the strength

i want to just disappear
and hope nobody notices
i think nobody will

I was at fault
I was selfish
I am sorry

no point saying sorry now i know

you give up trying to explain yourself
cos u know they will think it's ridiculous
and think you're just being selfish
it hurts to be misunderstood

maybe i am really selfish
and everything is abt me
i don't know
i really don't

at least i know that i can face my mom without guilt now
when she said today, " when you're not that well to do, u'll just have to live without some stuff"
and i can look her in the eye and agree
cos i've been trying faithfully to keep to it
pains me to see her shrinking in size when i go back every week
and me putting on so much weight
how i wish i can transfer some of my meat to her

and now i'm gonna get condemned by my friends
don't even know if i'm still gonna be their friend
i really didn't go for IVP
today, the money won the battle of money vs friends
but the feeling sucks, big time

i must stop running away from my problems
kill me somebody.
i'm gg back to my escapism sleep

i am rather pissed
why must the stupid src pool close now
of all times!
and then have to waste !@#$% so much money
spent like more than $10 on travelling up and down to clementi pool
$10!!!! that can be 2 weeks of what i spend on eating!!
what a waste of money!!!!!!!
ARGH! angry!
and then each time go in there only swim for so short
cos of the !@#$% arm

then the issue of friends or money again
after ivp tmr they're gg to brewerkz to have lunch
this kinda place confirm super ex
so if i go, i'll hv to cab to work
that's like spending a lot of unnecessary money
chiara says she'll pay, but noooooo
i can't take any more of this treating & stuff. it's too much alr...
in fact i don't even wanna go to RP at all if i'm not swimming cos i'll have to travel back
i just realised a few mths ago how expensive travelling is
but if i don't go, they'll be like "why??!!? go support la! it's a team you know.."
yea i know, duh, not that i don't want to
but i really gotta save!!!!
just paid for the airplane tix: $1625
then paid for hall fees: $1417.85
these few days hardly used any money & i'm feeling gd abt it
sigh.........why can't they understand that i really cannot spend even these small amts?
i wanna just hide in a hole

then, there's handball
so disappointing
i just can't play team sports
feel so bad when i pull the team down
i know what i'm supposed/not supposed to do
duh i wanna do it!!
i visualise it and know where i wanna run/pass the ball
but when i wanna do it physically, it just won't happen!
get what i'm trying to say????

i don't know why i'm so short tempered these days

God HELP

guilty as charged:
Dinah is a big spendthrift

i know it la
but when mum says it, i'm just too proud to admit
but now i'm so so so guilty for spending so much
on all the little things that just add up
unnecessities, things that i can live/do without
i feel so guilty that the family is scrimping & saving every single cent
and i'm living such a luxurious life
mom always say that we can't afford to live the lives that the others have
just have the bare necessities will do
but i don't know why i keep spending
very frustrating when at the end of the day
you feel so very guilty that i just wanna hide some where
or just disappear
no self control
i think it's very hard for friends to understand
cos the way i spend is not at all like one who is in financial difficulty
until it hits rock bottom
and there's REALLY NO MONEY AT ALL
mum doesn't have, dad's not giving, and i skip work cos i'm too tired
so there's no money
no money no money no money
and when there's no money, u can't go out
and cos all the friends go out
and when u say u don't want to cos you don't have money
they give u the weird look and say you anti-social
and when you do go out, you're bound to spend some money
and then you owe friends, which is not a very nice thing
at the end of the day, i feel terrible all over again cos you borrow/friends have to treat you
there's always a dilemma: friends, money & time to rest
and i always can't seem to make the right choice
or rather the choice i make always seems to be wrong
ARGHHHHHHHHH
i'm so fickle also
i suck

i realise i'm the kinda person who doesn't like to go out
but at the same time, staying at home is boring too
so i dunno what i want
i'm weird man

anyway, THANK YOU BIRTHDAY BOYS FOR THE VERY EXPENSIVE TREAT! DARREN, KENDRICK & JOEL! NO MORE CRAYFISH FOR US! haha....
chipped my tooth while eating the last cucumber & accidentally biting the fork...ouch...

Lesson for the day: I don't think i will go to JB again...it costs too much...

ivp swimming tmr
i really don't feel like swimming
or rather, i don't feel like doing anything
everyday i don't wanna go for class
don't wanna do anything
i wanna dig a hole and hide in there forever
it's not lazy or what, but i don't know what is the feeling
helpppppppp
why am I feeling like this....

from today, Dinah will live a simple life. Only the bare necessities.
God please help me to be a good steward of Your money. Thank you. Amen.

My life is in Your hands. Take me, mould me, use me Lord.

[TeamSheares][SMB0607] LAW: KR sports sec, why dun you just play the ihg yourself? convening a sport doesn't mean you are a big F

don't understand why must some people quarell over such matters

i mean it's only IHG...

ok maybe it's that important to them....

money is so important.without money...u can't do anything :(

my weekends are busier than my weekdays man
first week of school just flew by
don't know why im so tired
didn't do much leh!
this weekend i finally gave in
$60 for rest is really expensive
heart pain man, but i really cannot ta han alr
think i'll scream at the kids if i go teach
that makes it $100 in total cos there's IHG swimming tmr
money money money money money
without money, u can't do so many things :(

I declare I am the QUEEN OF PANG SEH
supposed to go for 3 parties this week
cherie's, bao family's & joker's
i went for a grand total of ZERO

why must i always be injured so close to the IHG and IVP matchs/races?
this time it's the arm
i'm seriously in need of new body parts
all i've been doing these few days is eat, eat, eat, eat some more
and sleep
dunno wassup with the arm man
first it was the muscle
then now it feels like its gonna drop out of the socket everytime i move it
clicks like nobody's business, and worst of all, it hurts when it clicks
ARGH!
AND PPL THINK I'M FAKING IT!
I GIVE YOU MY ARM!
THINK I DUN WANNA TRAIN AH?